Our fine looking fibbers are at the Hastings House, watching news coverage of Garrett's murder arrest. Spencer tells the girls that her mom knows someone working the case, and that Jenna Marshall is the one who turned in the evidence against Garrett. Aria wants to know if this means they can finally lay Ali to rest, and I answer her, "No," because we know there are at least two more seasons. Sorry girl.
Sweeney: Poor Aria. Not even her magnet for Getting All The Things She Wants Always Without Consequences can stand in the way of the will of the TV Gods.
Lor: Hanna still thinks Melissa and Jenna are guilty parties. Speak of the forever-pregnant devil, Melissa comes in and says, "love gone wrong."
We open at Sunnydale Airport, where it looks weirdly like an early episode of Friends. Passengers are deplaning, and the camera pans across to show Buffy, Dawn and Xander waiting. Dawn looks pissed, Buffy looks a little anxious, and Xander is carrying a placard that says "WELCOME HOME WILLOW" in yellow crayon. Aww. (L: Super aww.) Dawn teases Xander over how many times he's told the yellow crayon story, and then announces that she's nervous about seeing Willow. Buffy agrees, and wonders what you say to someone who flayed a dude alive and then tried to end the world. Xander says that he's going to start with "Hi, Willow," and go from there. (S: Additional, "Aww.") He also says that Giles wouldn't have let her leave unless she was fully recovered. Buffy worriedly says that Giles told her Willow wasn't really ready to come back but that it was important that she did.
Buffy is walking alone at night, but today we find her not in a graveyard, but on a sidewalk, looking over some information on rental properties. From Buffy we transition to a computer screen that has her image. Video surveillance. Jonathan is asleep in front of the computer until Warren squirts him with a water gun and berates him for sleeping on the job again.
Kirsti: Having recently destroyed a laptop by spilling water on the keyboard, I strongly recommend that Warren NOT use that method again in the future. Course, he's a fucking sociopath and probably has no fucks to give about his computers, so whatevs.
Kirsti: Having recently destroyed a laptop by spilling water on the keyboard, I strongly recommend that Warren NOT use that method again in the future. Course, he's a fucking sociopath and probably has no fucks to give about his computers, so whatevs.
The episode begins with Willow telling Buffy how hideous something looks while lightning crackles. It's just their bridesmaids dresses that they're discussing. Willow is actually Best Man, though, which earns her some bonus terrible sleeve. Actually, it's sort of a nice analogy for the way bridesmaids dresses work -- your stupid dress highlights the special snowflake that is the bride. It figures, then, that the show's eponymous character would have the less stupid of the two dresses. Willow's thinking the traditional blood larva and burlap sounds less bad. No, Willow, it definitely doesn't.
Kirsti: Oh God, the dresses. They're SO AWFUL. Also, I've always thought that the tradition was "blood lava" because in non-US English, larva and lava are pronounced the same. I can't decide if it makes less sense or more sense now.
Kirsti: Oh God, the dresses. They're SO AWFUL. Also, I've always thought that the tradition was "blood lava" because in non-US English, larva and lava are pronounced the same. I can't decide if it makes less sense or more sense now.
Lorraine: Rosewood High is holding auditions for a play, and our Pretty Little Liars are all gathered for the occasion. Can I tell you how hilarious these episode openings are? I know that all shows do a certain amount of rehashing, but PLL is almost shameless in its beginning of the episode, expository conversations.
Anyways, Spencer is explaining to her friends what the play, The Bad Seed, is all about. Hanna says she didn't read the whole thing because she just wants to be the drunk mom of the play. Spencer gives her, "MMMHMM." eyes, allowing Hanna to exposit that she once brought a flask to a dance. Oh, yeah and also, Caleb is still living in Hanna's basement and A found out and Hanna has decided to tell her mom about it before A does.
Anyways, Spencer is explaining to her friends what the play, The Bad Seed, is all about. Hanna says she didn't read the whole thing because she just wants to be the drunk mom of the play. Spencer gives her, "MMMHMM." eyes, allowing Hanna to exposit that she once brought a flask to a dance. Oh, yeah and also, Caleb is still living in Hanna's basement and A found out and Hanna has decided to tell her mom about it before A does.
The Bronze is having a grand re-opening, which is a sweet little piece of continuity, since Olaf (otherwise known as the Troll Gone Wild) destroyed it pretty good in the last episode I covered. Xander was also wearing a cast the last couple of episodes. I like to positively reinforce the show when I can, so it doesn't feel too bad when I yell at it for plot devices or contrivance or Season 4.
ANYWAYS. Inside, The Bronze has gotten a bit of a facelift. A band is playing on stage while Anya and Xander dance together, right next to Willow and Tara. Buffy is sitting nearby, alone, and watching all the fun she isn't having.
ANYWAYS. Inside, The Bronze has gotten a bit of a facelift. A band is playing on stage while Anya and Xander dance together, right next to Willow and Tara. Buffy is sitting nearby, alone, and watching all the fun she isn't having.
Sara: The girls watch the extended version of the "I Know You Wanna Kiss Me" video, which has Alison saying that she has to get back to the barn before the PLLs get suspicious. The girls see the end of the video, where the camera is turned around on Ian. The camera is knocked to the ground, and Ali's hand grabs at the dirt and my closed captions say she groans. Hanna points out that there are things besides pain that make people groan (sex) but Spencer doesn't seem to think that's it.
Lorraine: To be fair, she's grabbing handfuls of dirt in the scene too, which seems like more of a desperation thing than a, "woo! This feels so good!" thing. I mean, unless dirt is your thing. IDK.
Lorraine: To be fair, she's grabbing handfuls of dirt in the scene too, which seems like more of a desperation thing than a, "woo! This feels so good!" thing. I mean, unless dirt is your thing. IDK.
I think I’m being punished by Whedon. First I get a Xander-centric episode, and then later today I get a bunch of insane dream sequences in Angel? What the hell did I do to deserve this?! SIGH.
Lorraine: Pfft. No sympathy from me. Get back to me if Whedon ever does an episode about anal lube.
K: Fair.
We open in the Fruit Roll Up Basement, where Xander, Anya, Buffy and Riley are watching kung fu movies. Anya’s arm is in a sling on account of the head wound she incurred in the last episode turned out to be an arm injury instead? IDK.
Lorraine: Pfft. No sympathy from me. Get back to me if Whedon ever does an episode about anal lube.
K: Fair.
We open in the Fruit Roll Up Basement, where Xander, Anya, Buffy and Riley are watching kung fu movies. Anya’s arm is in a sling on account of the head wound she incurred in the last episode turned out to be an arm injury instead? IDK.
There were split opinions on the whole randomly throwing out the fact Buffy has a sister thing. It was strange to me, but I also know that I'm not the exact audience it was written for. I only mean that I had 10 years of pop culture to tell me Dawn would show up eventually and a bit of foreshadowing last season told me she was probably Buffy's sister. That's a ton of build-up all leading to about 10 seconds last episode where it was all, "AND BUFFY HAS A SISTER LOLOL."
Sweeney: When I first watched last summer I sent our group of bloggy friends a series of DAFUQ? emails.
Sweeney: When I first watched last summer I sent our group of bloggy friends a series of DAFUQ? emails.
Aria is in bed pouting to a St. Lola in the Fields song and flashing back to the pedo-y highlights of her brief "relationship" with her English teacher, Ezrafitz. Her wet-day-dreaming is interrupted by the other members of the Pretty Little Liars who have come to stage an intervention. They want Aria to get out of sweats, which I've got to admit, has happened to me before. The part about my friends showing up at my house and going, "OMG PUT SOME REAL PANTS ON, WE ARE GOING OUT." True story.
Sweeney: Any friends who tried to demand that I put real pants on would be promptly cut out of my life. True story.
Sweeney: Any friends who tried to demand that I put real pants on would be promptly cut out of my life. True story.
Our Pretty Little Liars are walking through a wooded area. You know, the kind where pretty girls get raped and killed and stuff. Emily is leading the other, somewhat reluctant girls back to the shed, site of the original murder-y slumber party, to build a memorial to Alison. Spencer thinks going back to the scene of the crime looks weird and Emily asks if she's worried what other people think. Spencer is all, "UM, WE HAVE OUR OWN DETECTIVE STALKER WHO THINKS WE KILLED HER, SO YES I CARE."
Sweeney: Word. I love how Emily tries to make it a whole BE YOURSELF! ish thing both because of the pot/kettle thing and, more importantly, being investigated for murder is a whole other level of "Yes, what other people think of you matters."
Sweeney: Word. I love how Emily tries to make it a whole BE YOURSELF! ish thing both because of the pot/kettle thing and, more importantly, being investigated for murder is a whole other level of "Yes, what other people think of you matters."
We open in Buffy's room at Chez Summers. She and Faith (YAY) are putting clean sheets on Buffy's bed, so clearly it's one of those freaky mindmeld dream things from the end of season 3. There's a crapton of foreshadowing awesomeness (seriously, you guys. Whedon is a GENIUS), (L: BUFFY HAS A LITTLE SISTER?!) (SPOILERS, SWEETIE) and then Faith rudely bleeds all over the clean sheets. "Are you ever going to take this thing out?" she says to Buffy, and we see that Buffy's still holding the crazy murder knife in Faith's gut. Buffy twists the blade and we dramatic music over to a hospital room. There's thunder and lightning, and we see a comatose Faith in a hospital bed. The dramatic music turns suspenseful and then the credits roll without a damned thing happening.
This episode starts so directly after the end of the last, I thought for a second I was still watching previouslys. But no, Buffy and Riley are just sitting around, giving really good awkward silence. She breaks it first by suggesting one of them speak before graduation. Riley paces a bit before asking what she is. Buffy dryly offers, "Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. You?" Riley apologizes for the blunt question, but he's in awe of her strength and speed.
Buffy turns the question around on him, and he assures her that she knows who he is. What he does, though, is confidential.
Buffy turns the question around on him, and he assures her that she knows who he is. What he does, though, is confidential.
Buffy, in jeans and a leather jacket, approaches a tall, blond, slightly dorky looking guy who she immediately punches IN THE FACE. (S: BAMF BUFFY GREETINGS.) He puts his vampgrill on and says things were much better for the college-vamps back when she was in high school. Something like that. I don't want to consider this too deeply because how many vampires are parading around as college students and why didn't she know this before? Anyways, she dusts this vamp but gets a sense that something is still out there, lurking.
And then I LOL forever because it is in fact Angel lurking in some bushes. I like Angel more now, thanks to his own show, and I'm sad his intro back into Sunnydale is via lurking in bushes.
And then I LOL forever because it is in fact Angel lurking in some bushes. I like Angel more now, thanks to his own show, and I'm sad his intro back into Sunnydale is via lurking in bushes.
I have a love/hate relationship with this episode. Because it's kind of awesome. But there's also a crapton of douchey nonsense that pisses me off. So...yeah.
We open at the Bronze. Oh, trusty Bronze. At least something around here is still the same... Also the same? Dingoes Ate My Baby are playing and Willow's doing her proud face over Oz's musical abilities.
Lor: Also, Devon is wearing a belly-shirt with the US flag on it. Oh, trusty horrible fashion. You too are still the same.
Sweeney: And we're so glad for it! I would be so lost and confused without it.
K: So true.
We open at the Bronze. Oh, trusty Bronze. At least something around here is still the same... Also the same? Dingoes Ate My Baby are playing and Willow's doing her proud face over Oz's musical abilities.
Lor: Also, Devon is wearing a belly-shirt with the US flag on it. Oh, trusty horrible fashion. You too are still the same.
Sweeney: And we're so glad for it! I would be so lost and confused without it.
K: So true.