Helena is lying on the floor of her cell, bruised and bloody after being beaten by her captors for killing Parsons. Remember- she stabbed him in the brain? Yeah. Kinda hard to forget. Also, the Castor military folks weren’t too happy about that.
Marines: I mean, to be fair, they started it.
J: And Helena brought it! They seriously did not know what they were getting into when they allowed her into their picture.
We open with a very lame night at P^3. People are leaving because this show is so awful the club is dead.
Prue tells Phoebe that she thinks they are going to have to take up that offer. Phoebe responds, "please tell me about that offer even though we've presumably already talked about it off screen!" Apparently, some guy named Chris Barker has offered them a no-interest loan they can pay back anytime. Prue says they aren't going to tell Piper about it, though, because.
Stephanie: They're at The Bronze, where you have an 85% chance of dying, but it's still preferable to this.
Prue tells Phoebe that she thinks they are going to have to take up that offer. Phoebe responds, "please tell me about that offer even though we've presumably already talked about it off screen!" Apparently, some guy named Chris Barker has offered them a no-interest loan they can pay back anytime. Prue says they aren't going to tell Piper about it, though, because.
Stephanie: They're at The Bronze, where you have an 85% chance of dying, but it's still preferable to this.
Open to Seth and Ryan walking across campus. Ryan is going on about his mistrust of Oliver. This is totally valid because with my limited knowledge it seems to me that Oliver is bat-shit crazy. (I should probably mention that I missed this show entirely so I'm almost completely a Snow). Seth is trying to be comforting but is also being Seth, whose fall back position is sarcastic and nerdy. I have to say so far my favorite thing about this show is the relationship between Ryan and Seth. They offset each other well and it does my heart good to see them fall into this friendship.
So Ryan is still going on about Oliver and says he and Marissa are fighting a lot about him. Seth states Ryan is jealous because Oliver is a rich kid with many exotic locations to whisk women off to. He also uses the phrase "Dapper Don" (really, Seth?) and all I can think of is this even though I have never watched Mad Men:
We pick up exactly where we left off last season, with Dawson and Joey eating each other's faces in the Shrine o' Spielberg. Shit gets monumentally awkward when the kiss ends and Dawson wonders aloud what this means for them now. Joey says they should sleep on it, and Dawson stares at his bed in terror. But no, Joey means they should sleep in their respective beds. Dawson says with a smile that it'll be a like a dream when he wakes up. Joey interprets this as him wishing it had never happened, and glares at him before heading for the window. He stops her and says that's the exact opposite of what he wants. They face-nom some more.
Democracy Diva: So much miscommunication! So much face nomming! I'm already exhausted.
Democracy Diva: So much miscommunication! So much face nomming! I'm already exhausted.
It's finally here!! The episode that every Dawson's Creek viewer - casual or devoted - remembers from season 1. NGL, I *may* have bribed Diva to let me do the first recap solely so that this episode fell to me...
Democracy Diva: And I may have agreed begrudgingly because THIS EPISODE, YOU GUYS. IT IS THE BEST/WORST/EVERYTHING-EST.
Democracy Diva: And I may have agreed begrudgingly because THIS EPISODE, YOU GUYS. IT IS THE BEST/WORST/EVERYTHING-EST.
We jump back in time to that moment in London where Giles is about to get his head chopped off by a Rage Ninja. This time, we see the whole scene through: Giles grabs the axe like a, well, ninja and uses it to cut the Bringer's head off. In the present, Giles is telling this story to Buffy and the Potentials as they walk through a cemetery. This group includes a new Potential named Chao-Ahn. He's going on and on about how it was a mix of luck, years and years of training and an uncanny sense, so you just know something is about to catch him off guard.
Sweeney: It's season 7 people. You should all have learned your lesson about self-assured speech-giving by now.
Sweeney: It's season 7 people. You should all have learned your lesson about self-assured speech-giving by now.
The actual, official previouslies remind us that the Liars are now in possession of A's cell phone, which happened completely by accident, despite their semi-elaborate plan. We start this episode with the Liars heading back into the Greenhouse of Secrets, all of them all kind of running around like headless chickens. They look for the box New Jason gave Aria while Spencer announces that the cell phone is locked.
Emily wonders where they all were while she almost had her face troweled off. Aria explains that she dropped a bomb at home and was sent to her room. Spencer says Toby cornered her and Hanna blurts out that Kate is moving to Rosewood. That's the piece of news that gets the biggest reaction out of the Liars, because priorities.
Emily wonders where they all were while she almost had her face troweled off. Aria explains that she dropped a bomb at home and was sent to her room. Spencer says Toby cornered her and Hanna blurts out that Kate is moving to Rosewood. That's the piece of news that gets the biggest reaction out of the Liars, because priorities.
We begin in the hospital. Buffy and Riley are sitting together while Dawn naps on Buffy’s lap. Giles is fretting about trying to be useful while Willow and Xander bicker about the painfully slow passage of time. Once we have sufficiently driven home the Everybody Feels Like This Is Lasting Forever-ness of the situation, we see a doctor walking down the hall and they all stand up. Then the credits roll to keep us waiting a little bit longer. Rude, show. Just rude.
Kirsti: SRSLY. Also: I love that all the Scoobies are there. I mean, yes, they’re there in part to support Buffy. But at the same time, as much as we’ve hated on Joyce in the past, she’s a surrogate mother to most of them.
Kirsti: SRSLY. Also: I love that all the Scoobies are there. I mean, yes, they’re there in part to support Buffy. But at the same time, as much as we’ve hated on Joyce in the past, she’s a surrogate mother to most of them.
Lorraine: Aria, Emily and Spencer are walking into Hanna's house. Hanna is fiddling with a "Humpty Dumpty was pushed" sticker on her cast. She explains that she's trying to keep it on so she won't have to see the message A left on her cast.
Aria suggest a new, more mellow sticker, but Spencer defends her choice. "It was either Humpty Dumpty or, 'Jesus is coming. Look busy.'" I'm questioning the sticker choices at the Rosewood Hospital gift shop.
Sweeney: This feels consistent with the Rosewood we've come to know and rage out over.
Aria suggest a new, more mellow sticker, but Spencer defends her choice. "It was either Humpty Dumpty or, 'Jesus is coming. Look busy.'" I'm questioning the sticker choices at the Rosewood Hospital gift shop.
Sweeney: This feels consistent with the Rosewood we've come to know and rage out over.
Our Pretty Little Liars are walking through a wooded area. You know, the kind where pretty girls get raped and killed and stuff. Emily is leading the other, somewhat reluctant girls back to the shed, site of the original murder-y slumber party, to build a memorial to Alison. Spencer thinks going back to the scene of the crime looks weird and Emily asks if she's worried what other people think. Spencer is all, "UM, WE HAVE OUR OWN DETECTIVE STALKER WHO THINKS WE KILLED HER, SO YES I CARE."
Sweeney: Word. I love how Emily tries to make it a whole BE YOURSELF! ish thing both because of the pot/kettle thing and, more importantly, being investigated for murder is a whole other level of "Yes, what other people think of you matters."
Sweeney: Word. I love how Emily tries to make it a whole BE YOURSELF! ish thing both because of the pot/kettle thing and, more importantly, being investigated for murder is a whole other level of "Yes, what other people think of you matters."