Previously: Edward saves Bella from a van and regrets it a lot. — Marines: Edward starts by telling us that high school is no longer purgatory, but actual hell– torment, fire...
Marines tried to watch this when it first came out, but it scared her in like 5 seconds, so instead she got friends to watch it with her and we’re...
SantinoPreviously: Matt and Foggy defended a bad dude who later killed himself. — In the Blood Marines: We start the episode eight years ago in the Utkin Prison in Sibera. A...
Previously: Bella is off grounding, but Edward forbids her from seeing Jacob. — Annie: Bella is at school and she is not as miserable as she usually is. And it’s...
Bella wakes up again. At the beginning of every chapter she must wake up. It is the prophecy.
She immediately remembers she had a bad dream that was also a thing that actually happened to her and takes like, 3 paragraphs to remind us of this thing that just happened to her. 700% of this book is just Bella rehashing things that we already had to suffer through once. In another life, we Snark Ladies must have sinned terribly.
She immediately remembers she had a bad dream that was also a thing that actually happened to her and takes like, 3 paragraphs to remind us of this thing that just happened to her. 700% of this book is just Bella rehashing things that we already had to suffer through once. In another life, we Snark Ladies must have sinned terribly.
After that delightful curb hanger, Bella freaks because clearly the weird noise outside is Victoria coming to murder her face off. But no. It's Jacob, just casually hanging out in the tree outside her bedroom window. Shirtless. Because of course he is.
Marines: Shirtless? For climbing trees? Really? Shirtless? For breaking and entering? It gets really uncomfortable when you can tell Stephenie was just writing out her wet dreams.
Marines: Shirtless? For climbing trees? Really? Shirtless? For breaking and entering? It gets really uncomfortable when you can tell Stephenie was just writing out her wet dreams.
We begin with a Joey voiceover: she asks if you've ever had a day you wanted to live all over again. Like one in which they made out with Pacey, I guess.
Kirsti: Legit, girl. Legit. I think we'd all like to live that day over and over again.
Diva: I want a life-gif of that day.
Dawson and his dad show up to Pacey's boat with some champagne. They're greeted by Andie, Jonathan Lipnicki (who I guess is officially part of the family now), and the rest of the gang, save for Pacephine.
Kirsti: Legit, girl. Legit. I think we'd all like to live that day over and over again.
Diva: I want a life-gif of that day.
Dawson and his dad show up to Pacey's boat with some champagne. They're greeted by Andie, Jonathan Lipnicki (who I guess is officially part of the family now), and the rest of the gang, save for Pacephine.
I truly thought last episode was the last one before winter break, so I resent this episode already.
Alex: Whereas I didn't even know we were getting a winter break until several days after watching this episode, which was an unexpected and welcome surprise.
Sweeney: It's hard for me to consider anything Gotham-related a welcome surprise, but I appreciate your optimism. It makes me extra glad we have you around.
Alex: Whereas I didn't even know we were getting a winter break until several days after watching this episode, which was an unexpected and welcome surprise.
Sweeney: It's hard for me to consider anything Gotham-related a welcome surprise, but I appreciate your optimism. It makes me extra glad we have you around.
Shrine o' Spielberg. Due to their sad tragic single status and the fact that it's apparently a million degrees, movie night's list of attendees has been reduced to Dawson and Pacey. It may also have something to do with how much they're sweating. Seriously, it's gross:
Democracy Diva: For real. They don't even look like they're sweating - they just look like they're covered in baby oil.
K: YES. Which, to be honest, they probably were.
Pacey bemoans the state of their lives, and also how much Indian summer sucks, thereby earning himself a shiny gold star.
Democracy Diva: For real. They don't even look like they're sweating - they just look like they're covered in baby oil.
K: YES. Which, to be honest, they probably were.
Pacey bemoans the state of their lives, and also how much Indian summer sucks, thereby earning himself a shiny gold star.
Shrine o' Spielberg. We're treated to like 20 seconds of Casablanca, which is clearly the best 20 seconds of this entire show, and then Dawson's moping over having to write a final essay comparing his own life to Casablanca. Um...
He starts writing about how Hollywood Sabbatical is clearly evil and his archnemesis, then deletes it all because that won't get him a good grade. He asks Joey why he still wants to please Hollywood Sabbatical, and she's all "IDEK". (D: Uh, because she's your teacher? For a class that's actually important to your hopeful career path?) She suggests he interview someone. He decides he'll present his final on camera because that way he'll get bonus points for thinking outside the box.
He starts writing about how Hollywood Sabbatical is clearly evil and his archnemesis, then deletes it all because that won't get him a good grade. He asks Joey why he still wants to please Hollywood Sabbatical, and she's all "IDEK". (D: Uh, because she's your teacher? For a class that's actually important to your hopeful career path?) She suggests he interview someone. He decides he'll present his final on camera because that way he'll get bonus points for thinking outside the box.
The consensus last week seemed to be that the episode was about 2% better than the previous ones, so things might slowly be moving in the right direction. That said, this episode is called ‘Spirit of the Goat’, so don’t hold your breath.
Sweeney: I think the trick is in keeping our expectations nice and low. Terrible show, terrible titles, etc., etc. so that we end up pleased if it even achieves general mediocrity.
Sweeney: I think the trick is in keeping our expectations nice and low. Terrible show, terrible titles, etc., etc. so that we end up pleased if it even achieves general mediocrity.
Outside Leery Manor, Joey and Dawson - still in their catering outfits - make out. There's some brief discussion that's clearly of the "we should go upstairs and boink" variety before they climb up the ladder. IS THE DOOR BROKEN?!?!?! I hate these people. (D: Cosign.) Anyway, they reach the Shrine o' Spielberg and start kissing again, but Joey stops in surprise when she sees Jen sitting on the bed, weeping. They ask her what's wrong, and she tearfully explains that Abby's dead. Joey hugs her and Jen starts to sob.
Democracy Diva: A round of applause to Michelle Williams, who was a really fucking good actress SO LONG AGO.
Democracy Diva: A round of applause to Michelle Williams, who was a really fucking good actress SO LONG AGO.
Shrine o' Spielberg. Dawson flails over the fact that he and Joey have made it through their first post-break up movie night while Joey drinks Diet Coke because sponsorship is important. She makes noises about leaving, but he wants her to help him pick the actress who'll play Sammy (read: loosely disguised Joey) in his new shitty movie. Joey suggests finding someone who can make the role less like her, but Dawson's all "LOL NOPE". She's surprised by how okay he is about everything between them, and he says that as she's dating Jack and has clearly moved on, he can let go. This makes her sad panda and I headdesk. She leaves.
I DON'T WANNA WAIT.
I DON'T WANNA WAIT.
Shrine o' Spielberg. A werewolf movie plays on Dawson's TV as he talks about how romantic the full moon is. The camera pans up to show us that Dawson and Joey aren't on the bed, they're outside on the roof staring at the moon. Dawson wibbles some more about how romantic and peaceful it is, while Joey makes WTF faces and says that it's just "a natural satellite". Way to be a buzzkill, Potter. She starts talking about the full moon making people crazy and how she thinks it's because we're 70% water and the moon effects us as well as the tides. Dawson, meanwhile, is trying to swallow her head.
Leery Manor. Mitch pulls down the ladder to Dawson's bedroom, telling Dawson that he's just taking precautions against late night creeping around. Dawson tells his father that he's just in denial about the fact that his kid is "a sexual being." I throw up in my mouth.
Mitch asks if he and Joey are having sex, and Dawson replies that they aren't but biologically they can. I throw up some more because EW NO. He says that Mitch needs to accept that someday, his son will have sex and stop locking windows and removing ladders because it won't do any good. He follows that up with the notion that Mitch should just let him and Joey hang out alone in his room. Mitch is all "LOL NOPE" and leaves. Joey steps out of the closet (LOL) and starts kissing Dawson.
Mitch asks if he and Joey are having sex, and Dawson replies that they aren't but biologically they can. I throw up some more because EW NO. He says that Mitch needs to accept that someday, his son will have sex and stop locking windows and removing ladders because it won't do any good. He follows that up with the notion that Mitch should just let him and Joey hang out alone in his room. Mitch is all "LOL NOPE" and leaves. Joey steps out of the closet (LOL) and starts kissing Dawson.